Bikini Girls On Ice

Year:  2009

Director:  Geoff Klein

Cast:  Cindel Chartrand, Danielle Doetsch, William Jarand, Suzi Lorraine, Ivan Peric

When their bus breaks down in front of a seemingly abandoned gas station on their way to host a bikini car wash fundraiser, a group of coeds decide, "what the heck" and host their car wash on the property of the gas station.  All is going wet and well until a psychopath killer with a fetish for placing his victim's body on ice begins murdering the bikini clad gals one by one.

Despite the title, this is not a figure skating expedition showcasing bikini clad figure skaters showing off their triple axle and double two loops.  Actually, that is too bad because honestly, watching figure skating would be far more entertaining.  There are so many things blatantly wrong with this film that a bullet list as a review would probably suffice, but for the sake of maintaining some professionalism, I'll avoid that. Slasher film fans have come to expect their fare share of plot holes and absurdities, but this film pushes it.  First, one has to wonder why the girls have to take a road trip to have a bikini car wash?  Are there not ideal locations close to their college that would suffice?  Next, the gas station that serves as the primary setting is, admittedly, pretty creepy, but it is also run down and looks like it hasn't been in operation for decades. The grounds are unkempt.  Inside, the shelves are empty and the place is squalid and ramshackled.  This is troubling considering that almost every characters strolls into the establishment like they are at a 7-11 and actually get agitated when no clerk or attendant comes to the counter to wait on them.  And as isolated as the place supposedly is, there are no shortage of cars lined up once the girls start their car wash.  Of course, the minute they realize something may be wrong, there is not a car to be found.  Seriously, the car wash aspect of the film was blatantly an excuse to have the females run around in bikini's for the running time of the film because is does nothing to drive or construct the plot. With the edgy title, there is an expectation that the film may be at least a tad gory, but the first actual dead body doesn't appear until thirty-three minutes in....and it is a dog!  Virtually all the kills are off screen and it seems the victims never scream, even when being stabbed or beaten repeatedly.  The suggested brutality of the murders could have been much more effective if filmed differently. Speaking of which, the killer attempts to be menacing by grunting and moaning, but instead comes off as silly, particularly because there is zero back story given to him.  The acting, particularly by the two male characters, is pretty bad, though the main girl actually does have an endearing, toothy charm about her.  Despite the many flaws, the film does have a saving grace; the final fifteen minute stalk-and-chase scene is actually pretty tense and well done. It is reminiscent of some of the final chase scenes from golden age of the slasher, though the final minutes lessen the impact.

Bikini Girls on Ice is a film that is only recommended to die-hard horror fans who will watch whatever horror they can get their hands on.   The novelty title will attract the casual viewer, but chances are they won't make it past the twenty minute mark.  It certainly is not a good film, but the well constructed final minutes keep it from being a total failure.  Those looking to just see some hot babes run around in bikinis should turn to YouTube.

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