Ax 'Em

Year: 2002 (released)
Director: Michael Mfume
Cast: Michael Mfume, Maria Cooper, Racquel Price, Joe Clair

I have seen literally hundreds and hundreds of horror flicks, from the most popular, to the most obscure and let me honestly tell you that "Ax 'Em" IS the worst one I have ever seen. Words cannot express how terrible and amateurish this movie is.

The box art actually looks pretty decent and the provided plot description sounds promising enough, if not extremely familiar. It centers around a group of friends who decide to go to a remote cabin for the weekend. What they don't know, however, is that a deranged killer stalks the woods looking for his next victims. Before this happens, though, we are subjected to a long scene of a university step competition and a "yo momma" joke battle. Seriously. This goes on for well over five minutes. Unfortunately, this isn't the worst thing about this "film."

EVERYTHING technical about this film is TERRIBLE! The sound is horrendous and it is virtually impossible to understand what any of the characters are saying at any given time (which is probably a good thing). The lighting is equally bad and the films stock is so cheap and grainy looking that again, it is hard to make out what is even going on on screen. This literally had to be filmed with a home video camera that was picked up at a garage sale. Words are misspelled in the opening prologue and the same exact scenes appear over and over again. The plot itself is nonsense and there is absolutely no attempt at any characterization (I honestly don't think characters even had names) and their actions consist of running around the woods, hiding under sheets, and running around the woods (yes, the exact same scene!). The killer is about a unintimidating as I have ever seen and the group really has no problem getting away from him simply by walking casually right past him. In fact, I don't even think he ends up killing any of the group, except the girl (or guy....I couldn't really tell) that after the so called killer simply touches, drops over dead. Overall, the film amounts to random scene after random scene with no clear purpose, focus, or ending. Seriously, there is not one glimmer of competence to be found in the entire movie. Zero.

But, we can't really blame Michael Mfume for this garbage (well, not completely, but please please don't even make another movie! Ya hear me, Mfume?!), but rather the distribution company that picked this up and said "hey, lets give it a cool cover and ship it to Blockbusters and Hollywood Videos all over the country!" Did they even watch it first? Please, avoid this god-awful piece of crap and listen to myself and the other reviewers on here. This is it, folks. The worst of the worst. Do NOT let curiosity get the best of you and seek this out to view.

Fright Meter Grade:

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