Top 10 Spring Break Destinations to Avoid!

March signals the time of year when college students all over the country begin gearing up and getting excited for their week long Spring Break.  It is a week long escape from the monotonous lectures, tedious exams, and banal textbook reading that symbolizes the college life.  However, before gathering your best college pals and piling into an SUV, definitely consider your destination.  Horror fans realize that not all locations are as enjoyable and exciting as they seem.

So, from the annals of the horror genre, here are our Top 10 Spring Break destinations to avoid if the desire if to make it back home alive.

10.     Muskie Madness Fishing Tournament from Blood Hook

Nothing says "vacation" to some more than kicking back with a ice cold beer and waiting for the bobber on the fishing pole line to disappear underwater.  Fishing is almost as American of a pastime as baseball, and each year during spring break week, a plethora of boats can be seen scattered on the surface of any local lake, and those not lucky enough to own a boat are happily seated in the lawn chairs along the shore.   However, fishermen would be wise to avoid the annual Muskie Madness Tournament in Hayward, Wisconsin.   Sure, the setting is serene and peaceful, but unfortunately an homicidal maniac armed with an over sized fishing pole and giant multi-hooked lure that he gleefully uses to catch unaware fisherman or those who believe it is a good idea to take a dip in the water is patrolling the lake.  Visiting this fishing paradise could very well result in one being placed on a stringer and secured under a boat dock.   Best to probably buy some fish at the local supermarket rather try to catch them here.

9.  Coconut Pete's Beach Resort from Club Dread

Does anything epitomize an ideal spring break vacation more than traveling to an exotic island replete with exclusive resorts with nothing to do all day but lie on the beaching sipping fancy beverages decorated with little umbrellas?   Unfortunately, the resort from the horror spoof Club Dread is one to avoid, despite the picturesque locale and endless hot chicks and partying.    A masked killer stalks the resort, thirsty for the blood of foolish visitors.  Amidst the beach parties and late swims, blood is being spilled by the bucket load at the hands of this clever killer.   Instead of relaxing peacefully on the sandy beach, one might find themselves buried under it.

8.  Slausen's Lost Oasis from Tourist Trap


The best part of any long distance spring break road trip is making spontaneous stops at various quirky and isolated roadside attractions.   Of course, more often than not, these attractions are a waste of time.   A giant ball of yarn or a rust collection of dinosaurs made out of tin sound more intriguing than they actually are.  But Slausen's Lost Oasis delivers much more than the unsuspecting folks who stop there expect.  The owner has telekinetic powers and a penchant for turning his guests into mannequins.  Unless being suffocated slowly as plaster is drying on your face sounds pleasing, a stop at the worlds largest cockroach collection may be a better idea.

7.  Dark Ride Attraction from Dark Ride

Amusement Parks are the quintessential entertainment destination.   One can ride a thrilling roller coaster, then play a game of ski ball in hopes of winning an over sized stuffed animal, and then relax with some fried food on a stick and a tall soda.  Of course, roller coasters aren't the only ride that these parks offer; the best amusement parks will have some sort of scary, haunted house attraction to test one's bravery.  The Dark Ride is a perfect example, in theory.  However, the killer that pops out if the dark corner unexpectedly is actually holding a real ax and does not think twice about bringing it down squarely on the rider's skull.  Skip this and ride the teacups instead. 

6.  Pleasant Valley from 2001 Maniacs

Along the way to the ideal spring break journey, there are undoubtedly going to be some small, quaint little towns to stop and explore.   These are towns that have escaped modernization, with their picturesque Norman Rockwell like downtown areas lined with ma and pa owned shops and restaurants.   The people are affable and eager to smother visitors with their small town charm.  On the surface, Pleasant Valley appears to be just this kind of place.  However, the locals are actually ghosts of the townsfolk, who were slaughtered by Union soldiers during the Civil War.  Their pleasant facade quickly disappears as their true intent, murdering Yankee scum in the most brutal ways imaginable, is revealed.   Best to bypass Pleasant Valley altogether and find a town that has a mall.....or at least a Target.

5.  Indoor Swimming Pool Complex from The Pool

What spring break vacation is complete without hitting the water for a nice swim?  Granted, beaches are the more desired locale, but several spring break destinations include huge resorts with massive indoor pools and water parks.  While most of these offer a fun time to be had by all, there is at least one of these indoor water parks to skip.  This particular one just happens to have a vicious masked killer stalking it.   And trust that machetes and water slides do NOT mix well at all. 

4.  Isolated Beach House from The Mutilator

Beaches are synonymous with Spring Break and there is certainly nothing quite like renting a beachfront property, particularly if there are no neighbors in site for miles.  However, that very amenity may be cause for alarm, as it allows perfect opportunity for a homicidal maniac with an ax---or shall we say fishing gaff--to wreak havoc.  And never has there been a maniac so cruel and brutal with his arsenal of weapons than the one who lurks in the garage of this dwelling.  In comparison, Mexico doesn't seem all that dangerous of a vacation spot.

3.  Ski Resort from Frozen

Skiing has gained popularity in recent years as a desired spring break activity.  Those who do not appreciate the beach find skiing to be an ideal alternative.  It certainly provides more exercise than lazily lounging on the sand.  One aspect of skiing that may be troubling for those who suffer from acrophobia is riding the chair lift to the top of the slope.  These chairs can reach dizzying heights, and it can be troubling to realize the only thing securing the chair is a piece of metal and a wire cable.  Add that with the possibility of human error in closing down the lift for the week, and one could find themselves stranded on the chair lift with very little options for help, as in happens at the resort in Frozen.  This is one instance when a masked killer, demons, or cannibals are not the threat, but rather pure, unadulterated nature; the one thing many venture to enjoy over spring break.

2.  Cabin in the Tennessee Woods from The Evil Dead

Those not wanting to dealing with the crowds and hustle and bustle of the traditional spring break destinations may opt for a more serene and isolated setting.   A remote cabin in the woods offers privacy and the opportunity to hike and explore the natural surroundings.  However, if when browsing through the cellar of the cabin, a ancient book, along with some audiotapes of what sound like demonic chants, are discovered, it is best to leave this cabin immediately.   The consequence for not doing so, as The Evil Dead illustrates, is being forced to dismember your friends who have been turned into flesh eating demons.

1.  Lake Victoria from Piranha 3D

Beach parties replete with alcoholic beverages.  Big breasted hotties in slinky bikinis.  Muscled young studs in tight board shorts.  A lake perfect for jet skiing.  Ahhhh, the idyllic spring break setting!   Not so fast.   It seems that a recent earthquake at the bottom of Lake Victoria has unearthed a massive school of prehistoric piranhas hungry for any type of flesh they can get their teeth on.  These little guys are quite vicious and have the capability of wiping out a throng of swimmers in a matter of seconds.  It may be a better idea to visit the beaches in Amity; after all, there is only one Jaws.

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